I believe in your light

I keep wanting to post something on FB + Instagram about my coaching but I can’t seem to locate my voice. It feels lost and so quiet, like a little mouse. Trying it’s best to stay small and hide away for its own safety. Why do I revert to that when things get hard? It’s obviously a way to protect myself. I learned that staying quiet and not attracting attention kept me safe. But it also kept me sheltered. And closed me off from opportunity. And shrunk the size of my heart. I didn’t get to witness as much beauty or humanity as I could have. This is what I was taught, what I learned and how I chose to live because it was known and comfortable. Until it wasn’t. Until the people pleasing forced me into a corner and I couldn’t breathe. Until my pessimism was drowning me and everyone around me. I was on edge for years, barely scraping by, barely treading water. So far into a tunnel of despair, I couldn’t see any light. I remained there, waiting for someone to pull me out but refusing to grasp onto any offers of help. I abandoned myself and believed I had been abandoned by others. Turns out, I needed to remain in the darkness. I needed to isolate myself in order to begin knowing. Knowing that all of it was my choice. The darkness, the drowning, the living of a disconnected life. Somehow, I had a moment of clarity in the dark. I chose to make a different choice. I chose to feel my way through the dark, one step at a time. I knew there was a possibility of it becoming more difficult before it would be better. Every choice was the opposite, every choice sent me somewhere new. Every choice connected me a little more to my heart. Once I found solid footing, once I was tethered so strongly to my wild heart, I saw, I felt, I knew where the light I was so desperate to see would originate from. ME. I needed to find my own light. I had been dimming it for so long, thinking all the light from others was more essential than my own. How wrong I was. My light, my joy, my knowing is essential to my living. My light isn’t essential for you. Your light is essential for you. Please stop dimming your light. And if you can’t figure out how to stop, at least pause. Pause for one breath today, two breaths tomorrow and then just see how you feel. I guarantee it will feel awkward but within that one breath of choice, there is Power. And that power lies in all of us…just like love + compassion + humanity. We are all in choice and I invite you to choose different today. For one moment, believe in your ability to choose, believe in yourself and your essential light. I believe in you. I believe in your light.